Conscious Contact Q&A - How Do I Manage My Spending Without Feeling Deprived?
This week's question to Conscious Contact was asked by someone who wishes to remain anonymous.
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
I'm finally getting some cash flow going in my business, but it seems like there's always more bills to pay and I never get ahead. Every month I somehow end up breaking even. If I DO start to get ahead, there's always a sudden new expense either for my business or my family. It's feeling exhausting and never-ending and like there's no room for me in my budget. I think I just need more money, but I also know I need to handle my money better. How do I manage it without feeling deprived?
Thanks for asking that!
ALL of my clients have struggled with this question at some point. Most of us have had some experience with having a budget, and cringe at even hearing the words "budget" or "money management," even as we KNOW it's what we need to do. The inner battle between being responsible and being able to "do whatever we want" now that we're grown-ups leaves us feeling not so great.
I do have some easy, fast, practical ways to help you handle your money, but you don't actually have a money management issue. You have an issue with your self-esteem and your thinking. And that's going to take a completely different focus in order to change.
What I'm hearing is that – aside from feeling deprived and that there is a lack of money – you ALWAYS zero out your month. In other words, zero is your set point for money. You've basically set the thermostat, the temperature, for your finances at zero and every month you subconsciously find a way to stick to that number. You don't even know you're doing it.
I'm not saying you're being irresponsible and spending in an uncontrolled way. It doesn't sound like it, although I haven;t seen all the facts yet. You simply don't feel comfortable having more than you believe you're worth way deep down for any length of time...which is zero.
You also have the habit of feeling comfortable with frustration, deprivation, and lack. Whether this is something you learned in the house you grew up in or learned later in life, I can't say. Frankly it doesn't matter very much.
A lot of us try to "figure out" and think our way through our problems on our own. We have the very mistaken belief that if we just understand the "why", we can fix it all. This is simply not the case. It's helpful to have an idea of how ideas and habits form for us so we can better support ourselves in changing more rapidly, but it's still a matter of clearly seeing the patterns and then taking direct steps to change them.
You'll absolutely need an outsider you can trust to be your mirror and help you work through this. If you could do it on your own you already would have, and no one can see themselves without mirror.
So working on your sense of self-esteem and changing the basic ideas around money for you are what you really need to focus on now. Some practical tips for money management will help, but only once your mind is in the right place.
If this is difficult to understand, I invite you to join me in my next group coaching session starting April 29. It's a four week course limited to 8 people that provides both group and individual support. The enrollment can be made in one single payment of $347 or split into two payments of $190 each. Simply contact me here to register.
P.S. The Q&A on Conscious Contact is a weekly no-cost feature for those who are looking to grow their business mindfully with direction and support. Each week I respond to one question sent to me via my website or asked in person that I believe will help the most people. To ask YOUR question, contact me through my website at www.LauraLinden.com or reply to this email.